I Don't Want to Be Strong Today. I Want to Be Taken Care Of.

You ever get tired of being the person who knows how to do everything? Not literally everything because I still have to Google a few things myself, but you know what I mean.

The person who figures things out, makes appointments, handles paperwork, remembers what needs to be done, and somehow finds a solution when something goes wrong. It's almost like the more capable you become, the more people assume you don't need help.

I've been thinking about this lately because I genuinely enjoy being independent. I love learning new things, creating, building my businesses, and knowing that if I put my mind to something, I can probably figure it out. There's a certain freedom that comes with being able to depend on yourself, and I wouldn't trade that.

However, just because I can do something doesn't mean I always want to.

Some days I don't want to make another decision. I don't want to figure out dinner, solve another problem, or add something else to my calendar. I would love for somebody to say, "I got it," and actually have it handled. That's the important part because now if I have to supervise the help, we've created another job for me.

I don't want somebody to rescue me from my life. I actually like my life. I enjoy having different interests, working toward my goals, and having the freedom to explore whatever catches my attention. What I don't enjoy is feeling like every responsibility automatically belongs to me simply because I'm capable of handling it.

And I think that's where a lot of women find themselves.

When Did Being Strong Become a Requirement?

I've noticed that people can become very comfortable with the person who always figures things out. You handle one situation, then another, and eventually everybody assumes you'll take care of whatever comes next.

Sometimes they don't even ask whether you have the time or energy. They just know you'll find a way.

And you probably will, but at what expense?

I've heard women being praised for their strength my entire life. She's independent, she's hardworking, she's resilient, she can handle anything. Those are wonderful qualities to have, but I wonder how often we stop to consider what it took for her to become that way.

Was she given the opportunity to be strong, or did she become strong because she didn't have another option?

There's a difference.

I don't think strength is something we should have to demonstrate every time life gets difficult. Sometimes the strongest thing a woman can do is acknowledge that she's tired and needs a little help.

Being dependable doesn't mean I have an unlimited supply of energy.

And being good at something shouldn't automatically make it my responsibility.

There's a Difference Between Being Appreciated and Being Considered

This is probably the part that means the most to me.

I love being appreciated. Who doesn't enjoy hearing thank you? But there's something about being considered that feels different.

Appreciation acknowledges what you've already done. Consideration pays attention to what you might need before you have to ask.

Imagine coming home after a long day and somebody notices you're tired. Instead of asking you a million questions or adding another task to your evening, they offer to take something off your plate.

Nothing extravagant. Nothing that requires an announcement or a standing ovation. Just somebody paying attention.

I think consideration is one of the most underrated forms of care.

And I'm not limiting this to romantic relationships either. I'm talking about friendships, family, and the people we choose to have in our lives.

We all have different responsibilities and different ways of showing affection, but I believe healthy relationships should make room for everyone to receive care, not just the person who's always giving it.

I don't want people around me who only recognize my value when I'm doing something for them. I want relationships where my presence matters just as much as my contributions.

I want to be loved for who I am, not just what I can do.

Learning How to Let People Show Up for Me

Now, I have to laugh at myself a little because sometimes I wonder if being independent has made me too comfortable doing everything on my own.

Someone can offer to help and before they've even finished their sentence, I've already said, "Oh no, I got it."

And I probably do have it, but that's not the point.

I've had to think about why accepting help can feel so unfamiliar when giving it comes naturally. Maybe it's because we're used to doing things a certain way. Maybe we don't want to inconvenience anybody. Or maybe experience has taught us that some people's help comes with more strings attached than a puppet show.

Whatever the reason, I think it's worth examining.

I don't believe accepting help should require giving up your independence, and I certainly don't believe every offer deserves a yes. Discernment is important. But I also don't want to become so accustomed to handling everything myself that I fail to recognize genuine kindness when it shows up.

There's nothing wrong with allowing people to care for you.

Actually, I think it's healthy.

And maybe part of becoming more comfortable with receiving care is understanding that we don't have to earn every act of kindness through exhaustion, sacrifice, or proving ourselves useful.

Taking Care of the Woman Behind the Responsibilities

As much as I enjoy the thought of someone occasionally taking a few things off my plate, I also understand that I have a responsibility to take care of myself.

I've been paying closer attention to how I spend my time, what I allow into my environment, and how I feel after certain activities. One thing I've noticed is that I can spend an entire day doing things that need to be done without doing a single thing that actually restores me.

And that's a problem.

I have so many interests that sometimes I have to remind myself that I don't need to turn every free moment into another opportunity to be productive.

I love writing, creating things with my hands, playing my singing bowls, and working on my businesses. Those things genuinely bring me joy, but even the things we love can become exhausting when we forget to give ourselves a break.

Some days taking care of myself means going to the gym, getting outside, or spending time creating. Other days it means eating something good, getting comfortable, and leaving the rest of my to-do list alone.

I've also found that writing helps me recognize what I've been carrying. Sometimes I don't even realize how much is on my mind until I sit down and start putting my thoughts on paper.

That's one of the reasons I created Shedding. I wanted women to have a place to work through their thoughts, acknowledge their feelings, and release some of the things they've been carrying around.

Because there's only so much we can keep piling onto ourselves before something starts spilling over.

And I'd rather learn to put things down intentionally than wait until I'm too overwhelmed to carry them.

I Can Be Strong and Still Want a Soft Life

I don't have a problem with being a strong woman. I'm proud of my independence, my creativity, and the things I've learned to navigate over the years. I enjoy challenging myself, and I don't plan on becoming somebody who sits around waiting for life to happen.

But I also don't want strength to become my entire identity.

I'm allowed to be soft. I'm allowed to want affection, thoughtfulness, support, and a little pampering every now and then. I'm allowed to have days when I don't feel like doing anything particularly impressive.

I don't want to spend my life proving how much I can endure. I want to enjoy the life I'm working so hard to build.

And I think more women deserve to experience that without feeling guilty about it.

We've become so accustomed to celebrating women who can do everything that sometimes we forget to ask whether they should have to.

Maybe the goal isn't to become a woman who can carry everything. Maybe it's to build a life where she doesn't have to.

So here's something I've been asking myself lately, and maybe it's worth asking yourself too.

Are you surrounded by people who genuinely care about your well-being, or have they simply become comfortable with everything you do for them?

And when you finally have a moment to yourself, do you allow yourself to enjoy it, or do you immediately start looking for something else that needs to be done?

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be taken care of. I think it's a very human desire, especially when you're accustomed to being the person everyone else depends on.

You can love your independence and still want support. You can enjoy giving and still want to receive. You can be proud of your strength without wanting to exercise it every waking moment.

As for me, I'm learning that I don't have to wait until I'm completely exhausted to make room for care.

And neither do you.

With love,

Courtney Swank

I Love You. Let's Heal.